Madonna and Guy or Heather and Paul?

Different approaches to dealing with the emotional rollercoaster of relationship breakdown and divorce have been brought into sharp focus in recent months. High profile divorces have been the fodder of the tabloid press who delighted in picking over the lurid details of the McCartney Mills split, culminating in Heather Mills dowsing Sir Paul’s solicitor, Fiona Shackleton, with a jug of water in the courtroom.

Any fair-minded individual might have paused to reflect on the impact on their daughter, Beatrice, of all this negativity, backbiting and publicity surrounding the couple.

The Press, unsurprisingly, awaited with anticipation “round 2” following the announcement of the Madonna and Guy divorce. However, their “quickie” divorce was recently pronounced alongside confirmation that they have resolved the issues arising from their divorce amicably by agreement, Guy stating that his primary concern was to protect their children and ensure that they spend time with each of their parents. Possibly not good press but definitely the best outcome for the family!

Most couples are overwhelmed by conflicting emotions when their relationships break down and it is easy to forget how to behave towards one another and the children during this period of turmoil. It is also not surprising that couples feel unable to deal with the issues which must be resolved, putting responsibility on others to make decisions, most notably the Courts. However, the Courts can often fail to meet their expectations both in terms of outcome and cost. In addition these couples lose sight of the bigger picture. Where a couple have children they will be a family for life regardless of the divorce.

How couples deal with their separation, how they treat one another during the process and most importantly, how they talk to the children about what is happening in a constructive and none-blameworthy way will have a profound impact on how the children deal with the divorce, how they develop and their lives as adults.

Most couples understand this but need help. DMH Stallard offer help for such couples; those who wish to maintain a positive relationship after separation and divorce, for themselves and their children. We can consider with you none adversarial options, including negotiated settlements, referrals to mediation services or collaborative process, an approach designed to achieve mutually accepted outcomes by formally agreeing to exclude the Court process as an option in negotiation.